i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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