hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
