You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
