Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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