So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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