she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
