So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
