I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
