Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
