ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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