Cold hands, warm shart.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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