so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
