uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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