Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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