All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
