Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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