she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
