Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
