i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
