sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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