So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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