Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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