we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
