I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
