She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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