the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
