from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
