Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
