I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
