Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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