is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
