I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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