i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
