After last night, I could never be a politician.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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