the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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