You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize