Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
