i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize