I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
