What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
