I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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