Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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