Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
