you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My cat gives me a boner
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
