eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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