So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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