I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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