I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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