Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
