I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
