Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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