Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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