Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
