she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
