Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize