You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
