I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
