You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
