Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
