i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
