Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
