I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
