Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
