Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
