oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
