ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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