R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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