you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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