he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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